[Start with Meathead’s ship sailing towards Surge’s. Cut to Doc Broc on Surge’s ship, looking through a pair of binoculars.]
Doc Broc: Oh no! Captain Surge! Meathead the Pirate is on the attack!
Surge: (Zipping around the ship.) What? When? Where? That scurvy won’t take my ship without a fight! B-b-battle stations! (Pulls out a horn and honks it.)
[Cut to Ricardo and Meathead. They have open soda cans that they’re stuffing with fruit and shaking it.]
Meathead: Load those cannons, Ricardo. We’re gonna send that rotting fruit boat to Davy Jones’ locker!
Ricardo: Aye, aye, capitán! But, may I ask, who is this Davy Jones? And why is his locker located at the bottom of the sea? His gym shorts must be most soggy, which could lead to chafing on the tender regions.
Meathead: Stop yappin’ and start piratin’! Ready, aim, fire!
[The soda cannons explode the fruit out into the air as Meathead cackles. The fruit lands in the water near Surge’s boat.]
Meathead: (Offscreen.) How’s that for a fruit punch?
Surge: (Dodging around the boat, taunting.) Nah-nah! Missed me! Missed me again! And again! (Gets hit, grows angry as he sparks.) N-now he’s r-really got me ch-charged up! Well, what are you waiting for, Doc? Return fire!
[Doc Broc bites off a chunk of the watermelon left on the boat’s rind.]
Doc Broc: Eat seeds, you pirate poopheads!
[Doc Broc eats another chunk and starts spitting seeds at the other ship. Surge joins in.]
Doc Broc: I can go all day! (Continues spitting.)
[Cut to the other ship, as Ricardo jumps out of the way. Holes start forming in Meathead’s ship.]
Meathead: Whoa! Wah! (Starts jumping and dodging the seeds.) No one defeats Pirate Meathead! (A glob of watermelon lands in his mouth, which he chews on.) Mmm, refreshing!
[Cut to Ricardo piercing plastic silverware into the ship’s deck.]
Ricardo: Time to break out the good cutlery!
[Ricardo stretches a rubber band between the silverware and loads it with half-eaten food.]
Ricardo: As my beloved grandmother used to say: there’s no stank like pirate foody booty stank!
[Cut to the food flying near Surge’s ship, which also has a silverware-made slingshot that Doc Broc is manning.]
Surge: It’s garbage-geddon! (Grabs at some of the food and loads it into his slingshot.] Give ‘em everything we’ve got! Ch-ch-charge!
[Cut between the ships, where food is flinging back and forth. Cut to Meathead and Ricardo on the top of their ship. Meathead is holding a grappling hook made of candy canes, which he launches to the other ship.]
Meathead: Prepare to be boarded!
[Meathead and Ricardo leap off their ship, swinging onto the other ship. They land on the steering, tilting the ship sideways and causing Surge and Doc Broc to fall near them. Ricardo and Doc Broc falls away, but Meathead and Surge stay.]
Surge: (Angry, shocking Meathead.) N-no shipwrecks my ship but me! (Regains control of the ship.)
[Surge steers the ship, knocking it into a shelf as all four of them react in pain. A can on top of the shelf starts to rock. Cut to Ricardo, Doc Broc, and Surge, all screaming in terror. Cut to Meathead at the top of the ship, cackling.]
Meathead: That’s right! Shiver your timbers at the fearsome Meathead the Pirate!
[Cut to the can rocking back and forth. Cut to Ricardo, Surge, and Doc Broc reacting in fear. Cut back to Meathead.]
Meathead: Hello? Evil pirate talkin’!
[Meathead looks upwards. Pan up to the can, which falls off the shelf. Cut back to Meathead.]
Meathead: (Gulps.) We’re sunk.