[Start with Rocky, Doc Broc, Pizza Face and Sparkles, looking nervous.]
Rocky: Hey! Egghead! Come back!
Pizza Face: Yeah! We’re sorry, buddy! We didn’t mean to laugh at you! Where are you?
Doc Broc: (Lifting up his notebook.) According to my calculations, he could be…anywhere. Watching a rabid raccoon devour a rotten cantaloupe in the alley. Witnessing a flock of pigeons poop on cars from the window. Gazing at the majesty of dead rats floating through the sewers.
[Cut to Egghead sitting under a radiator vent.]
Egghead: I’m not dumb! I’m not! There’s nothing but smartypants thoughts rumbling around in this old noggin! Boy, nothing but—ooh, hey, a mint!
[Cut to a moldy mint on the ground, covered in gum and hair. Cut back to Egghead, running towards the mint.]
Egghead: It’s mine!
[Egghead falls down, landing on the mint and launching it in the air. Cut to the mint bouncing on the ground, and then back to Egghead.]
Egghead: Come back!
[Cut back to the mint, still bouncing on the ground. Cut back to Egghead, running for the mint.]
Egghead: Minty, minty, minty, minty! (Slips in slime on the ground, rolling over and eventually landing on his feet, as he sticks his tongue out.] Got some in my mouth!
[Cut to the mint hitting a drumstick on the ground, and then landing in an electric outlet. Egghead dives to get it, crashing into the outlet.]
Egghead: Oh, no, my mint! (Looks into the outlet.) Don’t worry, minty! I’ll save you! (Reaches into the outlet and shuffles around, then takes his hand out.) Hmm, looks like I need something long and pointy to get you out. (Laughs.) Only a smart guy would think of that! But what? (Gasps in realization.) Of course! (Sticks tongue out.) My tongue! Who’s the stupid one now?
[Egghead sticks his tongue in the outlet, shocking himself. Zoom to inside his head. There is a small bean wearing a dunce cap where his brain should be. It soon expands to a large brain wearing a mortarboard cap. Zoom out back to Egghead, still writing in pain from the shock, as the electricity bounces him back, rolling him on the ground. He soon stands up, shaking, as smoke comes off of him.]
Egghead: (With a Received Pronunciation English accent.) I feel…unexpectedly invigorated! What an odd sensation! My brain synapses are firing at an unprecedented rate! I’ve become…super intelligent! (Looks around the store.) My goodness! Even a person of half of my IQ could see (Cut to spoiled butcher section, with rotting meat display, then to overflowing hot bar, then to leaking air vent, then to spoiled fruit display, then to slushie machine with a rodent inside it, finally to the rat-infested cash register.) this establishment is in clear violation of over 538 health codes! (Cut back to Egghead, a small blob of black hair falls next to him, squeaking as it moves) 539! There’s one thing to do… (Looks out window, where the sun is setting.) It’s my duty as a responsible citizen to insure that this store is shut down and condemned! Immediately!